FIC: Zodiac: Cancer, Archer/Reed, PG-13
Sep. 17th, 2006 03:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cloudy_ficTitle: Zodiac: Cancer
Author: CloudyJenn
Fandom: Enterprise
Pairing: Archer/Reed
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #16 'Family' for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
slash_100
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Paramount. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Warnings: None
Beta: Sarah
Summary: Cancer is the sign of home and family life.-Joanna Martine Woolfolk, The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need
Author's Notes: This is the fourth in a series of 12 fics loosely based on 12 signs of the astrological zodiac. I say loosely because I am by no means an expert in astrology and I don't intend for these fics to portray every aspect of each sign. Rather, I'm picking out one aspect from the book mentioned in the summary and writing a story based on one or both of the boys displaying that aspect.
So, we're getting family and loved one's out of the way early. (Except for Sarah, of course, my beloved Pisces) Dad and my best friend are cancers.
Also, thanks to Sarah and John for helping me come up with random names. ;)
Enjoy!
Malcolm collapsed forward onto Jon, grunting harshly and feeling very satisfied. Quick arms caught him around the middle and guided him into a comfortable position where he could catch his breath and thoroughly enjoy the last small waves of pleasure coursing through his body.
"God, I feel so much better now." Jon's breath tickled his ear. Malcolm smacked him lightly with one hand while at the same time, snuggling in closer to him.
"You have been rather tense lately," Malcolm agreed. It was no small wonder. The past week had been nothing, but away missions and a parade of alien visitors on board their ship. Exciting for Starfleet, but exhausting for Enterprise's crew. Perhaps he was biased, but Malcolm felt it was particularly exhausting for Jon and he'd had been worried about how tired Jon had seemed.
"Hmmm...not tense anymore thanks to you." He kissed Malcolm's forehead. "And now that the admittedly very nice aliens are gone, I can relax. We can relax."
Lying in Jon's arms, after having made love was quite possibly the most relaxing thing Malcolm had ever experienced. His muscles felt like jelly, his mind clear and his heart full. The only thing keeping him from drifting towards sleep was the slightly uncomfortable mess between them. But that was ok because it meant Malcolm could clean them up and he enjoyed taking care of Jon.
"True." He lifted himself out of Jon's arms, ignoring his pouting protest and grabbed a nearby towel. "No, let me," he said when Jon reached for the towel. Jon smiled and sat back, making a production of throwing his hands behind his head.
"This is the life," he sighed, closing his eyes. Malcolm rolled his own, though Jon couldn't see it, quickly cleaned them both off and threw the towel at Jon's face.
"Hey!"
Wrinkling his nose, Jon batted the towel away and fixed Malcolm with a mock glare. "I'll get you for that."
Malcolm jumped from the bed seconds before Jon lunged for him, not making it very far before Jon's arms locked around him in a viselike grip and hauled him back to the bed, flailing and laughing.
"Stop it! Argh...!" He tried to kick back, but couldn't get a good angle and anyway, he wasn't trying very hard. Getting out of Jon's grasp wouldn't be difficult, but he really didn't want to hurt him. Jon flipped over onto Malcolm and pinned his hands above his head, leaning down to kiss him fully on the mouth.
"I got you." He sounded ridiculously pleased.
"I let you," Malcolm replied, thinking that was true in more ways than one.
"I know." Another kiss and then Jon settled down partly on Malcolm's side, one leg locked possessively over one of Malcolm's. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Their roughhousing had effectively wiped away thoughts of sleep from Malcolm's mind, but he was content to lay back, holding Jon and feeling his chest expand and contract with each breath. Jon's fingers grazed lightly over his chest in small lazy circles, a touch of comfort and connection rather than passion. A touch Malcolm enjoyed almost more than the other because it symbolized what made this relationship different than others he'd had. Not that he hadn't had decent relationships in the past, but nothing compared to this.
Jon pulled his head out of Malcolm's neck and laid his cheek on his shoulder. "Do you think that'll be our last first contact?"
Malcolm heard the hint of wistfulness in his tone quite plainly. "Maybe, but we still have a few months. And there are other inhabited planets we haven't visited on our way back."
Enterprise had been called back to Earth several weeks ago, the end of their five-year mission fast approaching. It was something Malcolm knew was weighing heavily on the minds of the entire crew. No one was quite sure if they'd be sent back out again, some weren't sure they wanted to be sent back and there was every chance that those who did wouldn't be on the same ship anymore. He and Jon hadn't talked a great deal about it yet, but he knew they'd have to soon. Maybe now.
"True. It just occurred to me when they left earlier that it might be the last time I ever do that."
Malcolm frowned. "Why?" Suddenly, he felt tension creep into his body. This conversation could turn very serious very quickly. "Do you not want to have another mission?"
"Honestly?" He stopped stroking Malcolm's chest and laid his hand over his heart. "I'm not sure anymore."
That greatly surprised Malcolm. He'd assumed that Jon would set back out on Enterprise when it left space dock next year and the biggest problem they'd have would be convincing everyone that he wanted Malcolm back at tac for more than just personal reasons.
"Why not?" He ran his fingers through Jon's hair and settled his hand on the back of his neck, to reassure him that he didn't have to worry about what Malcolm would think of him.
"Enterprise was always my greatest dream," Jon admitted. He lifted his head to look Malcolm in the eye. "But I've lived this dream. There are others I haven't yet."
Malcolm cocked an eyebrow at him. "Like what? Winning a gold medal?" He wasn't sure where Jon was going with this. Jon, on the other hand, seemed very intent, so intent that he barely noticed Malcolm's joke.
"Like..." He settled his head on his fist, not breaking their eye contact. "Like getting married. Having kids."
Shock flooded Malcolm's chest and blood rushed to his face. Surely Jon must hear his heart pounding. This was definitely not something they'd talked about either.
"Married? To me?" Malcolm wasn't often struck speechless and usually then only by Jon.
"No, I was thinking we'd raise the kids together, but I'd marry someone else," Jon deadpanned. "Yes, of course to you. Who else?"
"I just...well...are you proposing to me?" This wasn't anywhere near where Malcolm imagined the conversation going.
Jon scooted up the bed, propping himself on an elbow so that he was the same eye level as Malcolm. "Well, I don't have a ring or anything like that. I didn't plan...but I do want to marry you. And I want to raise kids with you."
Given that it was the third time he'd said it, Malcolm figured that point must be very important to him. He couldn't do much other than just stare at him though and feel overwhelmed. There was patience in Jon's eyes and that was different than other people too. He'd give Malcolm a moment to process something this huge.
Malcolm continued gazing into Jon's eyes and began to ponder what it would be like. Living together in a real house and having a real bedroom with an actual bed. Having a front lawn, a morning routine, juggling who'd make dinner, who'd pick the kids...the kids up from school. Introducing him to others. Hello, I'm Malcolm Reed. This is my husband, Jonathan Archer.
Somehow, Malcolm's hands ended up on Jon's face before he realized they were moving. Something very like joy zinged through his heart and then he was kissing Jon fiercely, kissing this man who wanted to belong to him in every way possible. It'd been so long since Malcolm thought about that kind of life. So long since he still believed he'd find someone to build that kind of life with.
"I take it you feel the same way," Jon gasped a second later when Malcolm had finally relinquished his mouth. Malcolm just pulled him into a full bodied hug, rolling them slightly till they were facing each other and Jon gathered him close.
"I've been thinking a lot about it lately, Malcolm," Jon said. "I always wanted a family of my own. Before you, I wasn't sure if I'd find that." A slight readjustment brought Jon's face back into Malcolm's view. He was grinning. "You're my family now. I want it to be legal. I want my kids to call you Dad."
"Jon-" He couldn't help, but kiss him again. It wasn't always easy for Malcolm to say what he was feeling, but he could certainly show him. Jon arched into the kiss, moaning a little in the back of his throat and it thrilled Malcolm to no end. He wanted this forever.
"Yes. Yes, I feel the exact same way. God, Jon...married. I hadn't thought about it in so long."
"Me either. I've never felt so sure about wanting it." Malcolm knew Jon had proposed to another person at one point in his life and that when she'd refused, he'd been hurt, but eventually relieved. It pleased him to hear that Jon didn't believe that was the case in this instance.
"I love you."
Jon gave him a quick kiss. "I love you."
Malcolm pushed him a little so that he lay back again and he curled up against his side, thinking about a very different future than the one that had lived in the back of his mind when he got up that morning. Now that the topic had been brought up, Malcolm knew he wanted it as much as Jon, but he also knew how much Jon loved Enterprise and being a Captain. He didn't want him to give that up if he didn't have to.
"You know, we could be married and still be on ships. Starfleet might not want us on the same ship, but...you love it out here, Jon. Another five years might not be that bad."
"It sounds terrible to me," Jon said without hesitation. "I wouldn't mind it if you were with me, Malcolm, but if they're going to split us up, I'd rather retire."
Surprise poured over Malcolm. "Are you serious?" He sat up slightly so he could see Jon's face again. Looking perfectly serious, he nodded and took Malcolm's hand in his own.
"Yes, I mean every word. Exploring space, meeting new races...it's all meaningless unless I can share it with you."
Ignoring the rush of warmth he felt, Malcolm plunged on, wanting to argue with Jon until he was satisfied he wouldn't regret giving up the ship in favor of starting a life together on Earth. "I understand what you mean, Jon, but it's been your life for so long. Think of all the things we've accomplished out here. Could you really give that up?"
"First of all, you're my life now." He grinned. "Why are you trying to convince me otherwise?"
Malcolm flustered. "I'm not. I feel the same way. I just don't want you to regret anything."
"I know. I know and I understand. I'm not saying I won't miss it or that I'll even have to give it up. Starfleet hadn't planned on this situation, but they won't be able to ignore it now. It's more than possible they'll station married couples together. But if not, Malcolm, we have to make a decision." He sat all the way up and Malcolm sat up with him. "We have to be together on this. If you want to stay out here, I understand that. But I think it'd be better to wait for marriage in that case. Starfleet doesn't know about us yet and if they keep not knowing, they'll happily support you being my tactical officer again."
Malcolm wasn't sure what to think. On the one hand, it was wonderful to know that Jon would wait on him if he felt his career in space wasn't finished. On the other, he'd so quickly gotten used to the idea of that house with the lawn and the routine and the children...
"We couldn't have kids yet."
"I know," Jon replied, a twinge of sadness in his voice. Malcolm leaned towards him and rested a hand on his cheek.
"What do you want, Jon?"
He hesitated. "I want...you. I want us to be together, however possible."
Malcolm shook his head. "I know that. I mean..." He sighed. Sometimes, Jon was too thoughtful for his own good. "If what I wanted didn't matter, what would you want?"
Jon just stared at him. "But it does matter."
"I'm saying, if it didn't. If you knew I'd agree with whatever you said, what would you want us to do after the mission? If you don't tell me what you want, we won't be able to find common ground, Jon."
"Ok." He paused again, thinking hard. "I...I very nearly lost myself out here," he said, surprising Malcolm. "Nearly lost myself protecting my home and my people. If it wasn't for my crew...you..." He squeezed the hand still resting on his face. "I couldn't stand it if something happened to you out here before we had a chance to be married.” A faint trace of horror touched Jon’s eyes as he contemplated the idea before he continued.
“I just want to go home and live on the planet we worked so hard to save." His voice fell to nearly a whisper. "I want to be a dad."
Malcolm felt his heart skip a beat, his blood pounding very loudly in his ears. The completely amazing thing about this was that Jon didn't just want to be a dad, he wanted to be one with Malcolm. So badly that he would leave a ship he'd been dreaming of his entire life. Malcolm was his family and his family was the most important thing to him.
"Me too," Malcolm blurted out suddenly, feeling overwhelmed again at how true it was. Jon's face lit up and he grabbed Malcolm in an enthusiastic hug.
"Malcolm! Oh...oh my god, Malcolm!"
There really wasn't much else either of them could say at that moment. They fell back into the bed, hugging and laughing. Malcolm could tell by the look of unadulterated joy on Jon's face that he was feeling the same giddiness in his heart, the excitement over what their future now held.
"Children, Jon. Children! I mean, it's been...God, I hope I don't screw them up." He hadn't meant to say that, but it came tumbling out before he could stop it. Intellectually, he knew he wasn't his father, that knowing how it felt to be raised by someone like that meant he would work extra hard not to be that way. But the fact of the matter was, he didn't have a very good example.
And he wanted to be a good father. Their children didn't even exist yet and already he felt extremely protective of them. He wanted them to be happy. He wanted them to love him.
"You won't. It's not possible. Trust me on this," Jon said emphatically. Malcolm cocked his head.
"How do you know?"
Jon leaned against the front of the bed, beckoning Malcolm to sit between his legs. Malcolm moved into his embrace, sighing as the familiar contentment began to settle his nerves.
"Because I know you, Malcolm. You're the most loving person I know. And the most protective. I know you'd do anything for them."
He would. Without knowing a thing about them yet, he knew in his heart, he'd die to protect them. But there was more to parenting than just that, right? Malcolm hadn't been around many small children. He could easily imagine himself panicking at a simple cold or a small cut, the kind of thing he remembered attracting a lot of when he was a child. His mother never panicked, always knew exactly how to take care of him. Maybe that was a mother's instinct? Certainly, Malcolm couldn't rely on that.
"Malcolm? Are you ok? You're tensing."
"Sorry. I was just thinking about the actual process of taking care of a child. I have no clue really, how to do that."
Jon tightened his arms, stroking circles into Malcolm's stomach. "Yeah, neither do I. We'll figure it out. I'm sure most new parents feel the same way. At least, my mom told me she did."
"Really? Because I was just thinking there was a distinct lack of the maternal instinct between the two of us."
"Hmmm...I disagree."
Malcolm couldn't help, but chuckle. "Is there something you're not telling me, Jon?"
One of Jon's thighs smacked against Malcolm's leg. "That's not exactly what I meant. I think the maternal instinct is just another way of saying you've got a natural inclination to protect and nurture. I think we both have that, no question."
Jon certainly did, as far as Malcolm was concerned. He'd never met a person who cared so deeply for others. "The rest of that stuff," Jon continued. "Things like when they're sick, we can figure out."
Malcolm reached behind him till his hand found Jon's face. "I'm just glad you'll be there to help me."
"I'm glad we'll be helping each other." He laid his hand over Malcolm's. "Because despite what I said, you are right on one point. We are both completely clueless."
"Ha! I told you."
Both their hands fell forward to rest on Malcolm's chest in the thoughtful silence that followed Malcolm's gloat. Dozens of questions filled Malcolm's mind, about what kind of work they could do on Earth, how soon they'd want to start their family and how they'd go about doing it. That last point struck him most forcibly.
"How exactly are we going to do this anyway? I mean, we can't exactly produce a child."
"Damn. And we've been trying so much, too."
Malcolm elbowed him. "I'm serious."
"Ok," Jon chuckled. "Well, we could look for a surrogate mother. We could adopt...we could kidnap."
"Oh, excellent idea, Jon. I don't think they let people raise children in jail."
"Yes, well, especially if those children were kidnapped." He paused. "Ok, seriously, the first two ideas. Your thoughts?"
There was something to be said for both ideas. In the first case, there was the consideration of the child being related to one or the other of them by blood. And in the second, they'd be giving a good home to a child that might not otherwise have one. Malcolm honestly didn't know which sounded better, but there was something about the idea of adopting a child that appealed greatly to him. Something about three people who weren't born to it developing a family together. Still, it felt too early to commit to either idea.
"I'm not entirely sure. Both have good points."
Jon made a noise of agreement. "We have plenty of time to decide."
Time...the rest of their lives. Malcolm turned in Jon's embrace and impulsively kissed his mouth, deeply and passionately. Jon scooted a little further down the bed, pulling Malcolm so close he was forced to climb into his lap. But he didn't mind. Straddling Jon was never a hardship.
"You are going to be an adorable father," Malcolm suddenly decided, very nearly blushing once the words came out of his mouth. He hadn't been able to pin it down yet, but there was something about Jon that just pulled affectionate comments from him without thought. Whatever the reason, they always pleased Jon and this one was no different.
"So are you. I can’t wait to see my reserved armory officer come apart the first time his child calls him daddy.”
The comment made him blush even harder and it occurred to him that they must be in love if the thought of the other as a father made them both melt into the floor.
“What kind do you want?”
“What kind of child?” Jon’s face was confused for a split second, then he started laughing. “Ok, for a second, I thought you meant what species.”
Malcolm snickered. “Yes, well, as much as I’d love the adventure of raising a Vulcan child, I meant what gender.”
“I guess I’d want both eventually. As for first...” His voice trailed off and he seemed at a loss. “I really have no idea! What about you?”
Jon and Malcolm had been together long enough that Malcolm didn’t often think of him as ‘Captain’ when they were alone, yet the strangeness of this conversation still brought a smile to his face. He couldn’t possibly have guessed when he first met his commanding officer that he would ever have a say in the children he raised.
“I agree, both eventually.” He had no real opinion on which to have first, but then, it didn’t matter if it were a surrogate mother. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea of engineering a child to be a certain gender. But if they adopted, there would be a choice. And the more he thought about it, the more the idea of them both being wrapped around a little girl’s finger appealed to him. “Maybe a girl first.”
“Yeah?” Jon’s smile grew. “Yeah, maybe. A daughter. Oh wow, I just remembered. We have to pick out names.”
“Yes, I suppose we do.” Malcolm frowned. He didn’t think of himself as a particularly creative person. “We have to pick something respectable, Jon. I don’t want our children going through life with a ridiculous name.”
“So, you mean, I’ll have to give up my dream of having a daughter named Moonbow?”
Malcolm raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid so.”
“That’s ok. I have others. Hortense. Lucretia. Dandelion. Brunhilda. Rose of Sharon.”
By the time he got to Brunhilda, Malcolm was laughing. “No! God, no. And I was worried I couldn’t come up with a good name.” He shook his head, still smiling. “She can either be Rose or Sharon, Jon, not both. Although, I don’t actually like the name Sharon.”
“Well, there’s always our mothers’ names. Sally and Mary.” He made a face. “Our grandparents weren’t very creative were they?”
“No, not really.” An idea struck him. Something fairly silly, but once it entered his mind, he couldn’t make it go away. “I think she should have our initials. A J name and an M name together.”
“Moonbow,” Jon reminded him. Malcolm rolled his eyes, making Jon laugh. “Ok, never mind. I like it though. Something like...Jessica Miranda. Or Melanie Jane.”
“Jane is good,” Malcolm said. “Good for a middle name, I think.”
“Ah, you just want her to have an M first name,” Jon teased playfully.
“No, I don’t!” Malcolm protested. “She could always have Marie or Madeline as a middle name.” Maddy would love that if nothing else.
“Actually, I like Jane. It’s simple, but pretty.”
“Yes.” Malcolm thought for a long time, trying to come up with more M names and not doing a very good job of it. “M names...Megan. Mandy. Monica. Marcia. Damn, I’m terrible at this.”
Jon laughed. “Mildred. Margaret. Maggie. Macy. Maleficent.”
“Oh perfect! Maleficent Jane. She’ll be popular at school.” He concentrated. “Um...Malinda. Meryl. M...ma...Moira...erm...”
Jon tilted his head, a little smile on his face. “You know, I actually really like Moira.”
“You do?” For some reason, it pleased Malcolm that he’d come up with one Jon liked. “It is sort of attractive. Very British sounding.”
“Which is always a plus.”
“Of course.”
“We’ll have to think on it longer. Plenty of time. But I like your idea and I like Moira and Jane. Moira Jane...Archer-Reed? Reed-Archer...Rarcher...”
“Oh Jon. Rarcher?” Laughter bubbled up from his throat. “I guess it’s better than Aeed.”
“Definitely.” They gazed at each other, both with identical looks of good humor and Malcolm felt happier than he ever had. This discussion, being so comfortable talking about such commitment, talking about having the kind of home and family he never had growing up...it amazed him. Amazed and delighted. He leaned down over Jon once again, pressing fully against him and sighed. “You make me so happy, Jon. Thank you.”
“That’s really what I want to do.” Gentle strokes warmed Malcolm’s skin. “Make you as happy as you make me.”
“You do.” One last jab of concern troubled Malcolm and he had to ask Jon again, just to be sure. “Are you sure you won’t miss exploring?”
Somehow, Malcolm felt he could hear Jon smile. “What’s exploring, but encountering the unknown? I’ve never been married to you. I’ve never been a father. The thought is just as exciting and terrifying as a first contact. Only this time, I’ll have something a family to share it with.”
A family. A loving home life. A wonderful husband. All the dreams Malcolm never dared to dream coming true. He was lucky. More than lucky. He was blessed.
“Jon-“ He traced Jon’s face with his fingers, allowing his happiness to shine in his eyes. “I love you.”
Jon moved them till they were both lying once again and hugged Malcolm close. “I love you, too, Malcolm. More than anything.”
Malcolm kissed him slowly and fully before settling down, resting his head in the crook of Jon’s shoulder. Jon’s continued stroking pulled him further and further towards sleep and right before he dropped off completely, he thought to himself that Moira was one lucky girl to have a man like Jon as her father.
What he didn’t know was that Jon was thinking the same thing about him.
Author: CloudyJenn
Fandom: Enterprise
Pairing: Archer/Reed
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #16 'Family' for
slash_100Disclaimer: These characters belong to Paramount. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Warnings: None
Beta: Sarah
Summary: Cancer is the sign of home and family life.-Joanna Martine Woolfolk, The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need
Author's Notes: This is the fourth in a series of 12 fics loosely based on 12 signs of the astrological zodiac. I say loosely because I am by no means an expert in astrology and I don't intend for these fics to portray every aspect of each sign. Rather, I'm picking out one aspect from the book mentioned in the summary and writing a story based on one or both of the boys displaying that aspect.
So, we're getting family and loved one's out of the way early. (Except for Sarah, of course, my beloved Pisces) Dad and my best friend are cancers.
Also, thanks to Sarah and John for helping me come up with random names. ;)
Enjoy!
Malcolm collapsed forward onto Jon, grunting harshly and feeling very satisfied. Quick arms caught him around the middle and guided him into a comfortable position where he could catch his breath and thoroughly enjoy the last small waves of pleasure coursing through his body.
"God, I feel so much better now." Jon's breath tickled his ear. Malcolm smacked him lightly with one hand while at the same time, snuggling in closer to him.
"You have been rather tense lately," Malcolm agreed. It was no small wonder. The past week had been nothing, but away missions and a parade of alien visitors on board their ship. Exciting for Starfleet, but exhausting for Enterprise's crew. Perhaps he was biased, but Malcolm felt it was particularly exhausting for Jon and he'd had been worried about how tired Jon had seemed.
"Hmmm...not tense anymore thanks to you." He kissed Malcolm's forehead. "And now that the admittedly very nice aliens are gone, I can relax. We can relax."
Lying in Jon's arms, after having made love was quite possibly the most relaxing thing Malcolm had ever experienced. His muscles felt like jelly, his mind clear and his heart full. The only thing keeping him from drifting towards sleep was the slightly uncomfortable mess between them. But that was ok because it meant Malcolm could clean them up and he enjoyed taking care of Jon.
"True." He lifted himself out of Jon's arms, ignoring his pouting protest and grabbed a nearby towel. "No, let me," he said when Jon reached for the towel. Jon smiled and sat back, making a production of throwing his hands behind his head.
"This is the life," he sighed, closing his eyes. Malcolm rolled his own, though Jon couldn't see it, quickly cleaned them both off and threw the towel at Jon's face.
"Hey!"
Wrinkling his nose, Jon batted the towel away and fixed Malcolm with a mock glare. "I'll get you for that."
Malcolm jumped from the bed seconds before Jon lunged for him, not making it very far before Jon's arms locked around him in a viselike grip and hauled him back to the bed, flailing and laughing.
"Stop it! Argh...!" He tried to kick back, but couldn't get a good angle and anyway, he wasn't trying very hard. Getting out of Jon's grasp wouldn't be difficult, but he really didn't want to hurt him. Jon flipped over onto Malcolm and pinned his hands above his head, leaning down to kiss him fully on the mouth.
"I got you." He sounded ridiculously pleased.
"I let you," Malcolm replied, thinking that was true in more ways than one.
"I know." Another kiss and then Jon settled down partly on Malcolm's side, one leg locked possessively over one of Malcolm's. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Their roughhousing had effectively wiped away thoughts of sleep from Malcolm's mind, but he was content to lay back, holding Jon and feeling his chest expand and contract with each breath. Jon's fingers grazed lightly over his chest in small lazy circles, a touch of comfort and connection rather than passion. A touch Malcolm enjoyed almost more than the other because it symbolized what made this relationship different than others he'd had. Not that he hadn't had decent relationships in the past, but nothing compared to this.
Jon pulled his head out of Malcolm's neck and laid his cheek on his shoulder. "Do you think that'll be our last first contact?"
Malcolm heard the hint of wistfulness in his tone quite plainly. "Maybe, but we still have a few months. And there are other inhabited planets we haven't visited on our way back."
Enterprise had been called back to Earth several weeks ago, the end of their five-year mission fast approaching. It was something Malcolm knew was weighing heavily on the minds of the entire crew. No one was quite sure if they'd be sent back out again, some weren't sure they wanted to be sent back and there was every chance that those who did wouldn't be on the same ship anymore. He and Jon hadn't talked a great deal about it yet, but he knew they'd have to soon. Maybe now.
"True. It just occurred to me when they left earlier that it might be the last time I ever do that."
Malcolm frowned. "Why?" Suddenly, he felt tension creep into his body. This conversation could turn very serious very quickly. "Do you not want to have another mission?"
"Honestly?" He stopped stroking Malcolm's chest and laid his hand over his heart. "I'm not sure anymore."
That greatly surprised Malcolm. He'd assumed that Jon would set back out on Enterprise when it left space dock next year and the biggest problem they'd have would be convincing everyone that he wanted Malcolm back at tac for more than just personal reasons.
"Why not?" He ran his fingers through Jon's hair and settled his hand on the back of his neck, to reassure him that he didn't have to worry about what Malcolm would think of him.
"Enterprise was always my greatest dream," Jon admitted. He lifted his head to look Malcolm in the eye. "But I've lived this dream. There are others I haven't yet."
Malcolm cocked an eyebrow at him. "Like what? Winning a gold medal?" He wasn't sure where Jon was going with this. Jon, on the other hand, seemed very intent, so intent that he barely noticed Malcolm's joke.
"Like..." He settled his head on his fist, not breaking their eye contact. "Like getting married. Having kids."
Shock flooded Malcolm's chest and blood rushed to his face. Surely Jon must hear his heart pounding. This was definitely not something they'd talked about either.
"Married? To me?" Malcolm wasn't often struck speechless and usually then only by Jon.
"No, I was thinking we'd raise the kids together, but I'd marry someone else," Jon deadpanned. "Yes, of course to you. Who else?"
"I just...well...are you proposing to me?" This wasn't anywhere near where Malcolm imagined the conversation going.
Jon scooted up the bed, propping himself on an elbow so that he was the same eye level as Malcolm. "Well, I don't have a ring or anything like that. I didn't plan...but I do want to marry you. And I want to raise kids with you."
Given that it was the third time he'd said it, Malcolm figured that point must be very important to him. He couldn't do much other than just stare at him though and feel overwhelmed. There was patience in Jon's eyes and that was different than other people too. He'd give Malcolm a moment to process something this huge.
Malcolm continued gazing into Jon's eyes and began to ponder what it would be like. Living together in a real house and having a real bedroom with an actual bed. Having a front lawn, a morning routine, juggling who'd make dinner, who'd pick the kids...the kids up from school. Introducing him to others. Hello, I'm Malcolm Reed. This is my husband, Jonathan Archer.
Somehow, Malcolm's hands ended up on Jon's face before he realized they were moving. Something very like joy zinged through his heart and then he was kissing Jon fiercely, kissing this man who wanted to belong to him in every way possible. It'd been so long since Malcolm thought about that kind of life. So long since he still believed he'd find someone to build that kind of life with.
"I take it you feel the same way," Jon gasped a second later when Malcolm had finally relinquished his mouth. Malcolm just pulled him into a full bodied hug, rolling them slightly till they were facing each other and Jon gathered him close.
"I've been thinking a lot about it lately, Malcolm," Jon said. "I always wanted a family of my own. Before you, I wasn't sure if I'd find that." A slight readjustment brought Jon's face back into Malcolm's view. He was grinning. "You're my family now. I want it to be legal. I want my kids to call you Dad."
"Jon-" He couldn't help, but kiss him again. It wasn't always easy for Malcolm to say what he was feeling, but he could certainly show him. Jon arched into the kiss, moaning a little in the back of his throat and it thrilled Malcolm to no end. He wanted this forever.
"Yes. Yes, I feel the exact same way. God, Jon...married. I hadn't thought about it in so long."
"Me either. I've never felt so sure about wanting it." Malcolm knew Jon had proposed to another person at one point in his life and that when she'd refused, he'd been hurt, but eventually relieved. It pleased him to hear that Jon didn't believe that was the case in this instance.
"I love you."
Jon gave him a quick kiss. "I love you."
Malcolm pushed him a little so that he lay back again and he curled up against his side, thinking about a very different future than the one that had lived in the back of his mind when he got up that morning. Now that the topic had been brought up, Malcolm knew he wanted it as much as Jon, but he also knew how much Jon loved Enterprise and being a Captain. He didn't want him to give that up if he didn't have to.
"You know, we could be married and still be on ships. Starfleet might not want us on the same ship, but...you love it out here, Jon. Another five years might not be that bad."
"It sounds terrible to me," Jon said without hesitation. "I wouldn't mind it if you were with me, Malcolm, but if they're going to split us up, I'd rather retire."
Surprise poured over Malcolm. "Are you serious?" He sat up slightly so he could see Jon's face again. Looking perfectly serious, he nodded and took Malcolm's hand in his own.
"Yes, I mean every word. Exploring space, meeting new races...it's all meaningless unless I can share it with you."
Ignoring the rush of warmth he felt, Malcolm plunged on, wanting to argue with Jon until he was satisfied he wouldn't regret giving up the ship in favor of starting a life together on Earth. "I understand what you mean, Jon, but it's been your life for so long. Think of all the things we've accomplished out here. Could you really give that up?"
"First of all, you're my life now." He grinned. "Why are you trying to convince me otherwise?"
Malcolm flustered. "I'm not. I feel the same way. I just don't want you to regret anything."
"I know. I know and I understand. I'm not saying I won't miss it or that I'll even have to give it up. Starfleet hadn't planned on this situation, but they won't be able to ignore it now. It's more than possible they'll station married couples together. But if not, Malcolm, we have to make a decision." He sat all the way up and Malcolm sat up with him. "We have to be together on this. If you want to stay out here, I understand that. But I think it'd be better to wait for marriage in that case. Starfleet doesn't know about us yet and if they keep not knowing, they'll happily support you being my tactical officer again."
Malcolm wasn't sure what to think. On the one hand, it was wonderful to know that Jon would wait on him if he felt his career in space wasn't finished. On the other, he'd so quickly gotten used to the idea of that house with the lawn and the routine and the children...
"We couldn't have kids yet."
"I know," Jon replied, a twinge of sadness in his voice. Malcolm leaned towards him and rested a hand on his cheek.
"What do you want, Jon?"
He hesitated. "I want...you. I want us to be together, however possible."
Malcolm shook his head. "I know that. I mean..." He sighed. Sometimes, Jon was too thoughtful for his own good. "If what I wanted didn't matter, what would you want?"
Jon just stared at him. "But it does matter."
"I'm saying, if it didn't. If you knew I'd agree with whatever you said, what would you want us to do after the mission? If you don't tell me what you want, we won't be able to find common ground, Jon."
"Ok." He paused again, thinking hard. "I...I very nearly lost myself out here," he said, surprising Malcolm. "Nearly lost myself protecting my home and my people. If it wasn't for my crew...you..." He squeezed the hand still resting on his face. "I couldn't stand it if something happened to you out here before we had a chance to be married.” A faint trace of horror touched Jon’s eyes as he contemplated the idea before he continued.
“I just want to go home and live on the planet we worked so hard to save." His voice fell to nearly a whisper. "I want to be a dad."
Malcolm felt his heart skip a beat, his blood pounding very loudly in his ears. The completely amazing thing about this was that Jon didn't just want to be a dad, he wanted to be one with Malcolm. So badly that he would leave a ship he'd been dreaming of his entire life. Malcolm was his family and his family was the most important thing to him.
"Me too," Malcolm blurted out suddenly, feeling overwhelmed again at how true it was. Jon's face lit up and he grabbed Malcolm in an enthusiastic hug.
"Malcolm! Oh...oh my god, Malcolm!"
There really wasn't much else either of them could say at that moment. They fell back into the bed, hugging and laughing. Malcolm could tell by the look of unadulterated joy on Jon's face that he was feeling the same giddiness in his heart, the excitement over what their future now held.
"Children, Jon. Children! I mean, it's been...God, I hope I don't screw them up." He hadn't meant to say that, but it came tumbling out before he could stop it. Intellectually, he knew he wasn't his father, that knowing how it felt to be raised by someone like that meant he would work extra hard not to be that way. But the fact of the matter was, he didn't have a very good example.
And he wanted to be a good father. Their children didn't even exist yet and already he felt extremely protective of them. He wanted them to be happy. He wanted them to love him.
"You won't. It's not possible. Trust me on this," Jon said emphatically. Malcolm cocked his head.
"How do you know?"
Jon leaned against the front of the bed, beckoning Malcolm to sit between his legs. Malcolm moved into his embrace, sighing as the familiar contentment began to settle his nerves.
"Because I know you, Malcolm. You're the most loving person I know. And the most protective. I know you'd do anything for them."
He would. Without knowing a thing about them yet, he knew in his heart, he'd die to protect them. But there was more to parenting than just that, right? Malcolm hadn't been around many small children. He could easily imagine himself panicking at a simple cold or a small cut, the kind of thing he remembered attracting a lot of when he was a child. His mother never panicked, always knew exactly how to take care of him. Maybe that was a mother's instinct? Certainly, Malcolm couldn't rely on that.
"Malcolm? Are you ok? You're tensing."
"Sorry. I was just thinking about the actual process of taking care of a child. I have no clue really, how to do that."
Jon tightened his arms, stroking circles into Malcolm's stomach. "Yeah, neither do I. We'll figure it out. I'm sure most new parents feel the same way. At least, my mom told me she did."
"Really? Because I was just thinking there was a distinct lack of the maternal instinct between the two of us."
"Hmmm...I disagree."
Malcolm couldn't help, but chuckle. "Is there something you're not telling me, Jon?"
One of Jon's thighs smacked against Malcolm's leg. "That's not exactly what I meant. I think the maternal instinct is just another way of saying you've got a natural inclination to protect and nurture. I think we both have that, no question."
Jon certainly did, as far as Malcolm was concerned. He'd never met a person who cared so deeply for others. "The rest of that stuff," Jon continued. "Things like when they're sick, we can figure out."
Malcolm reached behind him till his hand found Jon's face. "I'm just glad you'll be there to help me."
"I'm glad we'll be helping each other." He laid his hand over Malcolm's. "Because despite what I said, you are right on one point. We are both completely clueless."
"Ha! I told you."
Both their hands fell forward to rest on Malcolm's chest in the thoughtful silence that followed Malcolm's gloat. Dozens of questions filled Malcolm's mind, about what kind of work they could do on Earth, how soon they'd want to start their family and how they'd go about doing it. That last point struck him most forcibly.
"How exactly are we going to do this anyway? I mean, we can't exactly produce a child."
"Damn. And we've been trying so much, too."
Malcolm elbowed him. "I'm serious."
"Ok," Jon chuckled. "Well, we could look for a surrogate mother. We could adopt...we could kidnap."
"Oh, excellent idea, Jon. I don't think they let people raise children in jail."
"Yes, well, especially if those children were kidnapped." He paused. "Ok, seriously, the first two ideas. Your thoughts?"
There was something to be said for both ideas. In the first case, there was the consideration of the child being related to one or the other of them by blood. And in the second, they'd be giving a good home to a child that might not otherwise have one. Malcolm honestly didn't know which sounded better, but there was something about the idea of adopting a child that appealed greatly to him. Something about three people who weren't born to it developing a family together. Still, it felt too early to commit to either idea.
"I'm not entirely sure. Both have good points."
Jon made a noise of agreement. "We have plenty of time to decide."
Time...the rest of their lives. Malcolm turned in Jon's embrace and impulsively kissed his mouth, deeply and passionately. Jon scooted a little further down the bed, pulling Malcolm so close he was forced to climb into his lap. But he didn't mind. Straddling Jon was never a hardship.
"You are going to be an adorable father," Malcolm suddenly decided, very nearly blushing once the words came out of his mouth. He hadn't been able to pin it down yet, but there was something about Jon that just pulled affectionate comments from him without thought. Whatever the reason, they always pleased Jon and this one was no different.
"So are you. I can’t wait to see my reserved armory officer come apart the first time his child calls him daddy.”
The comment made him blush even harder and it occurred to him that they must be in love if the thought of the other as a father made them both melt into the floor.
“What kind do you want?”
“What kind of child?” Jon’s face was confused for a split second, then he started laughing. “Ok, for a second, I thought you meant what species.”
Malcolm snickered. “Yes, well, as much as I’d love the adventure of raising a Vulcan child, I meant what gender.”
“I guess I’d want both eventually. As for first...” His voice trailed off and he seemed at a loss. “I really have no idea! What about you?”
Jon and Malcolm had been together long enough that Malcolm didn’t often think of him as ‘Captain’ when they were alone, yet the strangeness of this conversation still brought a smile to his face. He couldn’t possibly have guessed when he first met his commanding officer that he would ever have a say in the children he raised.
“I agree, both eventually.” He had no real opinion on which to have first, but then, it didn’t matter if it were a surrogate mother. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea of engineering a child to be a certain gender. But if they adopted, there would be a choice. And the more he thought about it, the more the idea of them both being wrapped around a little girl’s finger appealed to him. “Maybe a girl first.”
“Yeah?” Jon’s smile grew. “Yeah, maybe. A daughter. Oh wow, I just remembered. We have to pick out names.”
“Yes, I suppose we do.” Malcolm frowned. He didn’t think of himself as a particularly creative person. “We have to pick something respectable, Jon. I don’t want our children going through life with a ridiculous name.”
“So, you mean, I’ll have to give up my dream of having a daughter named Moonbow?”
Malcolm raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid so.”
“That’s ok. I have others. Hortense. Lucretia. Dandelion. Brunhilda. Rose of Sharon.”
By the time he got to Brunhilda, Malcolm was laughing. “No! God, no. And I was worried I couldn’t come up with a good name.” He shook his head, still smiling. “She can either be Rose or Sharon, Jon, not both. Although, I don’t actually like the name Sharon.”
“Well, there’s always our mothers’ names. Sally and Mary.” He made a face. “Our grandparents weren’t very creative were they?”
“No, not really.” An idea struck him. Something fairly silly, but once it entered his mind, he couldn’t make it go away. “I think she should have our initials. A J name and an M name together.”
“Moonbow,” Jon reminded him. Malcolm rolled his eyes, making Jon laugh. “Ok, never mind. I like it though. Something like...Jessica Miranda. Or Melanie Jane.”
“Jane is good,” Malcolm said. “Good for a middle name, I think.”
“Ah, you just want her to have an M first name,” Jon teased playfully.
“No, I don’t!” Malcolm protested. “She could always have Marie or Madeline as a middle name.” Maddy would love that if nothing else.
“Actually, I like Jane. It’s simple, but pretty.”
“Yes.” Malcolm thought for a long time, trying to come up with more M names and not doing a very good job of it. “M names...Megan. Mandy. Monica. Marcia. Damn, I’m terrible at this.”
Jon laughed. “Mildred. Margaret. Maggie. Macy. Maleficent.”
“Oh perfect! Maleficent Jane. She’ll be popular at school.” He concentrated. “Um...Malinda. Meryl. M...ma...Moira...erm...”
Jon tilted his head, a little smile on his face. “You know, I actually really like Moira.”
“You do?” For some reason, it pleased Malcolm that he’d come up with one Jon liked. “It is sort of attractive. Very British sounding.”
“Which is always a plus.”
“Of course.”
“We’ll have to think on it longer. Plenty of time. But I like your idea and I like Moira and Jane. Moira Jane...Archer-Reed? Reed-Archer...Rarcher...”
“Oh Jon. Rarcher?” Laughter bubbled up from his throat. “I guess it’s better than Aeed.”
“Definitely.” They gazed at each other, both with identical looks of good humor and Malcolm felt happier than he ever had. This discussion, being so comfortable talking about such commitment, talking about having the kind of home and family he never had growing up...it amazed him. Amazed and delighted. He leaned down over Jon once again, pressing fully against him and sighed. “You make me so happy, Jon. Thank you.”
“That’s really what I want to do.” Gentle strokes warmed Malcolm’s skin. “Make you as happy as you make me.”
“You do.” One last jab of concern troubled Malcolm and he had to ask Jon again, just to be sure. “Are you sure you won’t miss exploring?”
Somehow, Malcolm felt he could hear Jon smile. “What’s exploring, but encountering the unknown? I’ve never been married to you. I’ve never been a father. The thought is just as exciting and terrifying as a first contact. Only this time, I’ll have something a family to share it with.”
A family. A loving home life. A wonderful husband. All the dreams Malcolm never dared to dream coming true. He was lucky. More than lucky. He was blessed.
“Jon-“ He traced Jon’s face with his fingers, allowing his happiness to shine in his eyes. “I love you.”
Jon moved them till they were both lying once again and hugged Malcolm close. “I love you, too, Malcolm. More than anything.”
Malcolm kissed him slowly and fully before settling down, resting his head in the crook of Jon’s shoulder. Jon’s continued stroking pulled him further and further towards sleep and right before he dropped off completely, he thought to himself that Moira was one lucky girl to have a man like Jon as her father.
What he didn’t know was that Jon was thinking the same thing about him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
crabs
Date: 2006-09-17 04:29 pm (UTC)favorite word in this fic: "AEED"
sarah :)
Re: crabs
Date: 2006-09-17 06:02 pm (UTC)And those burritos were freaking awesome. We rock a million!
Thanks for the beta and for reading my stuff always.
*hugs*
*goes to give real hug*
Jenn